Prolonged singleness is seen as a reproach and shame. My friend introduced me to a co-worker of hers in her forties. She had never married and had no children. She was attractive, and much younger looking than her age, she was well educated and she was on a good career path, yet she felt like a failure in the area of relationships. All you can do in this regard is to encourage a person to consult the Lord on the matter. It may be complicated for you but it’s not for Him.
My brother Aaron and I recently took on a leadership position over the singles’ ministry at our church. Our pastor expressed concern about older singles who desired marriage, yet time “or favor didn’t seem to be in their corner. He asked how we would minister to them. “We may not be able to,” I replied, “but there may be someone within the group whose story parallels theirs and they may be able to offer each other hope and encouragement.”
If there’s shame regarding your state of singleness be mindful that God has a purpose for you, and that purpose is not contingent upon you being married. When He created you before the foundations of the world, man, there wasn’t a woman standing beside you. Likewise, woman, there was no man, yet He called you forth into existence with a purpose in mind. Keep Him as your focus and He’ll strengthen you to continually stand firm and not fall for the belief that you’re unloveable or a misfit.
I have often wondered what Jephthae’s “daughter’s message would be to the single women of our day. I envision it would be something like this:
“Many of you don’t know my name. I’m known as Jephthae’s daughter, my father’s only child and his pride and joy. I was once like most young women. I had bright plans for the future and dreamt of one day getting married and having a child or children of my own.
However, my life changed tragically as a result of my father making a rash vow before God. He promised that if God delivered his enemies into his hands then he’d sacrifice unto Him whatever came out of the door of his house to meet him.
Sadly and regrettably that sacrifice was me. As a Hebrew maiden, the bitterest pang was to die unwedded and childless, and so is my fate.
I have a message for singles:
whether you marry or not marry is not “always yours to decide. I’ve chosen to not be bitter over a fate that’s not in my hands. The mourning over my eternal virginity has come to an end. Daughters, don’t cry for me because I’ve discovered that I’m eternally His and the apple of His eye. I present my body as a willing sacrifice to God. My identity is not in my singleness or desire for marriage but is found in Christ.”
“Marriage isn’t promised to any of us. It’s not a reward for attaining a special level of Christianity. At the end of our life, our reward isn’t a husband or wife or having children. Our reward is eternity with Jesus Christ.” -Author Unknown”
This is an excerpt from “Where Can I Go In My Shame?